in case of an emergency
by: Marguerite Reeve
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“Please pretend to pay attention while we explain the safety features of this Boeing 737. There’s a safety card in the seat pocket in front of you. No one ever reads it, so I’m not even going to bother asking you to. At this time you should have your seatbelts on, your tray tables up, and your seats in their upright and most uncomfortable position. This is a no complaining, no whining, no smoking flight. If you absolutely must smoke, I suggest you avail yourself of our smoking area out on the wing…that is, if you can manage to get it lit. While you’re out there, feel free to enjoy our in-flight movie, ‘Gone with the Wind.’ We don’t expect a loss of cabin pressure today. If we did, all three of us flight attendants would have called in sick. But if we do lose pressure, masks will automatically fall from the ceiling. After you’re done screaming, simply put the mask on and breathe normally. Please put your own mask on first before helping your children, or those near you acting like children such as your spouse. And thank you for flying Southwest today. Remember, no one loves you or your money more than Southwest.”
The Southwest Airlines attendant had everyone (including me!) laughing as he went through his very unconventional “in case of an emergency” routine. Using humor, he was able to impart the crucial safety information many airline passengers “tune out.” I’ve often thought about his “safety speech” when I talk with someone whose life is “crashing” down around them. Are they “tuning out” essential information necessary for their safety? I wish it were possible to give clear instructions on what to do when we are going through disasters in our personal lives. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers or “cookie cutter” solutions. One of the areas that this is especially true in is addiction. If you have a friend or a loved one dealing with addiction, no one has to tell you about the hurt and pain caused by this very cunning, baffling, and powerful illness. Addiction affects everyone close to the addict. While I am definitely no expert, I have had the privilege during our more than 34 years in ministry to see “up close and personal” the lives of the friends of family of addicts and some of the principles that seemed to have helped them and their addicted loved ones the most. It is with much love and prayer that I share with you some of these “flight safety tips” as you travel on the turbulent journey towards recovery with your addicted loved one.
1. Don’t panic.
Yes, there’s the initial shock. But after you’re “done screaming,” face the facts. The addict lives in denial of his/her problem. Don’t be a “co-addict.” Friends and family can live in as much denial of the addiction as the addict. The addict lies as part of the addiction. The co-addict lies to “help” or “protect” the addict. Both are wrong. You can’t change the addict. If you help divert a crisis for the addict, you take away the addict’s opportunity to either work it out, or fail. This will make it harder for the addict to perceive the problem and begin to seek the solution. Remember, “…God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” (2 Timothy 1:7 NLT) It’s easy to read that and want to apply it to the addict. We think of the addict needing self-discipline and a realization of the amazing healing power and love of God. Instead, apply that scripture to yourself. Allow God to calm your fears and give you self-control (in not giving in to rescuing the addict). God can so fill you with His love and power that there’s a joy and a peace in your life that “passes all understanding.”
2. Put your own mask on first.
Make sure to exercise, eat right, and get enough sleep as well as take the necessary steps to protect yourself. Don’t allow stress to erode your health or allow the addict to manipulate and control you. Each person needs to take responsibility for their own actions. Don’t blame yourself (or allow the addict to). “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and He will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” (James 1:5 NLT) Everything may seem overwhelming at first, but persevere. Get wisdom and help from others who have gone through what you are going through. There is hope! Addicts can recover and lead whole lives. But by trying to save someone all by yourself who’s sinking in the deep end of addiction, you may end up “drowning” yourself.
3. Then help those near you.
The addict goes through changes mentally, increasingly becoming absorbed with his/her addiction as the disease progresses and this affects the way the addict thinks, feels, and lives their life. The addiction literally stunts the emotional growth process, and the addict will remain childish, selfish, and insensitive to the needs of others. Emotionally, addicts act like adolescents. The addict stays trapped in an adolescent stage as long as their illness is in progress. The addict remains in denial and will do just about anything to justify bad behavior to others, so stop trying to use intellectual logic on an addict. They are controlled by emotional logic, which is basically, “I want what I want, and I want it now.” It’s a challenge not to go down to their level of immaturity. It can be very frustrating, but the Bible gives us some great advice. “So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you; Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.” (Romans 12:1-2 The Message Bible)
4. Read the material in front of you.
The longer an addictive illness progresses, the less the addict feels the ability to have meaningful relationships with others. The addiction makes the addict become overly defensive to anyone who tries to take away what he/she wants and the addict becomes increasingly emotionally isolated. Addicts also have a difficult time suppressing their negative emotions and their low self-esteem keeps them very sensitive about how others feel about them. They are prone to finding faults (often with you!) in order to get any attention off of themselves. Get your emotional strength from God through prayer, fellowship, and reading the Bible. “The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of Thanksgiving.” (Psalm 28:7 NLT)
5. No complaining, no whining.
Stop complaining and start setting wise boundaries. There’s a difference between love and approval. You can love the person and not approve of the choices they are making. Where you draw your boundaries depends on your unique situation. For you it may be, “Honey, I love spending time with you when you’re sober, but if you come home drunk, I’m going to watch TV by myself in the other room.” Or maybe it means not warming up meals when the addict returns from a drunken binge or offering remedies to relieve a hangover. In some cases, you may need to seek immediate help for your safety and that of your family. “And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Comforter (Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby), that He may remain with you forever.” (John 14:16 Amplified) You are not alone in fighting this battle!
6. It’s uncomfortable.
For you, as well as the addict. Nearly all human beings have a desire to feel happy and to find peace of mind and soul. At times in our lives, most of us find this, but when it leaves us, we feel sadness and even a slight sense of mourning. This is natural. It’s one of the natural cycles of life that we can’t control. Addiction is an out-of-control searching for happiness through a relationship with an object or event in order to produce a desired mood change. What makes the addictive relationship so attractive is that it works every time; it’s guaranteed. No human relationship can make this kind of guarantee. God did not design us to get this happiness from either people or things. Only true peace of mind and heart comes from Him. You can’t stop the addict from choosing their “drug of choice” (drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, pornography, food …) to attempt to fill that ache in their soul. You can make wise choices yourself. Jesus promised us “I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don’t be troubled or afraid.” (John 14:27 NLT)
7. You are loved.
Jesus came that we may have life. Abundant life! Life to the max! “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sightfor theblind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.” (Luke 4:18 NIV) It is possible to live that abundant life—no matter what has happened on your “flight” so far. Jesus has a great destination prepared for you and has come to help you have a “safe landing!
points to consider:
Which tip do you need to personally apply to your life?
